“Act the way I want to feel.” This is the first rule of my Happiness Project and one I have been thinking about a lot this week. I had initially come up with this rule months ago in the context of social situations. I am a pretty strong introvert. Although I do enjoy being around people and socializing with friends I find that social interactions take my energy rather than supply it. If I am low on energy before a social setting (especially large group interactions) it will be my tendency to pull away and quietly keep to myself. This does not necessarily mean that I’m not having a fine time or that I am upset or bothered by something, but I’ve learned through some painful trial and error that my actions can be perceived this way by others. Actually, my body language/facial expressions are misconstrued with some frequency, which is concerning and a separate topic for another day.
In order to counteract this unintentional blah-ness I embarked on a quick experiment where I made considerable, directed effort not to give into my weak-willed (and admittedly selfish) habits and instead I forced myself to physically act in the way that I wanted to feel. If I wanted to feel light and fun and full of energy I needed to start acting light and fun and full of energy. And sure enough, it worked! For example: if I was with a group of friends out celebrating someone’s birthday, instead of sitting there like a bump on a log, only speaking when directly spoken to and, although not technically saying anything overtly rude but nonetheless acting in a way pretty devoid of social graces, I would instead muster up enough energy to engage a few people in conversation and smile and laugh and show the usual signs of someone having a good time. The funny (I don’t really know if any of this is funny, but still.) thing is that a majority of the time I found myself in these blah-ness situations I was actually having a grand old time but was just too tired/lazy/selfish to show it to anyone not living inside my little brain. Once I get the ball rolling on the acting then the feelings quickly becomes more natural (doesn’t smiling and laughing release endorphins or some other feel-good hormone?) and voilà!
Maybe this is considered to be a version of listening to a “get psyched” playlist before a nerve-wracking situation. Maybe it is even a little of the “fake it ‘til you make it” variety, although when I put this rule into practice I’m not trying to be disingenuous. I’m not trying to “fake” anyone into perceiving anything other than the truth. I’m just trying to match what is happening on my face and with my body with the truth inside my head.
This past week the most common situation where this rule has come to mind is when I want to feel calm. It has been a rough couple weeks emotionally and mentally, and although I have legitimate things to think about and a lot left to process, sometimes my frazzled self needs a break. I need a moment of calm in the midst of the constant roller coaster of thoughts and emotions rolling through my head. This can be as simple as taking deep breaths. Inhale for ten counts, exhale for ten counts. I found some roller-ball vials of relaxing scents – peppermint, lavender, eucalyptus, etc. – I had buried in a box of random toiletries in my linen closet and have stashed them in handy spots to help when the deep breathing by itself does not do the trick.
Exercising has helped immensely. Those magical endorphins again! I’ve not found anything that helps to calm the mind as quickly as a desperate run through a peaceful neighborhood or an utterly exhausting, all consuming hour of hot yoga. Exploring the physical limits of the human body is a wonderful thing. And an exhausted body falling into bed at night somewhat helps to combat my ever-present sleep difficulties.
For the rest of this month (and beyond) I’m going to continue to ruminate on how my actions affect my feelings and how to modify those in a healthy way. Namaste.
